Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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