Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
