I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Who died my cat blue again?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
