Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
