everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
