I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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