Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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