I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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