Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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