I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize