I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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