well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
