so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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