Someone shit on the floor
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
