you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
