Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
