All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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