All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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