But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
