I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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