if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
