they need to just BURY HIM!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
