hell yes lets make some ravioli
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
