He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I need a burrito and a hug.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
