i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
