My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize