I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
