i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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