He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
