But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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