So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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