if only i could text you this smell
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize