I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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