ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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