I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
