I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
