I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
