tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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