Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
