at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
