you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
