I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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