I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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