Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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