i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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