On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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