Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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