we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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