Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
