i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
