you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
