It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
