i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
