I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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