He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
