I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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