I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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