you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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